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A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM };>

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A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM };>

Post by Ja'aj on Sun Apr 03, 2011 7:14 pm

PJ emailed this to me today from his job [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM

If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong
with you. [Or: we can no longer be friends; you are in WAY to good shape. !]
This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a
regular workout routine.__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________


Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, I purchased a week of
personal training at the local health club. Although I am still in
great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago,
I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer
named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics
instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club
encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
________________________________
MONDAY:
Started
my day at 6:00 am. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth
it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He
is something of a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a
dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!
Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines.. I enjoyed
watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after
my workout today. Very inspiring!
Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was
already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around.
This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
________________________________
TUESDAY:
I
drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.
Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air
then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the
treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all
worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.
_______________________________
WEDNESDAY:
The
only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the
counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a
hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to
steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Christo
was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club
members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning
and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My
chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair
monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an
activity rendered obsolete by elevators?
Christo told me it would help
me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit too.
_______________________________
THURSDAY:
Asshole
was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin,
cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a
half an hour late-- it took me that long to tie my shoes.
He took me
to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in
the restroom. He sent some skinny bitch to find me.
Then, as
punishment, he put me on the rowing machine-- which I sank.
_________________________________
FRIDAY:
I
hate that bastard Christo more than any human being has ever hated any
other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic,
anorexic, little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I
could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.
Christo
wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you
don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or
anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off
and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have
been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
________________________________
SATURDAY:
Satan
left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice
wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me
want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the
strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight
hours of the Weather Channel..
________________________________
SUNDAY:
I'm
having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and
thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my
husband will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a
hysterectomy... I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would
have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]!

====================================================
};>

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Ja'aj
WITCH!
WITCH!

Join date : 2010-02-17

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Re: A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM };>

Post by roxanna on Mon Apr 04, 2011 2:45 am

laughing ass off confirms my theory that gym equipment is a nicer word for torture equipment no money smiley plus costs a fortune !!

====================================================
If you can't be a good role model, just be a terrible example !!
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roxanna
PROBLEM CHILD
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Join date : 2010-02-20

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Re: A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM };>

Post by Breezey Breezey on Mon Apr 04, 2011 8:04 am

Too hilarious!! Who needs a gym to feel like that? lol
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] laughing ass off

====================================================
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Join date : 2010-02-13

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Re: A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM };>

Post by Ja'aj on Tue Apr 05, 2011 2:27 am

I suspect either :
the husband misunderstood the term "SPA"...
or there is an ulterior motive lurking here.
Does anyone know if the owner of the diary
has abundant life insurance? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

====================================================
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WITCH!
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Join date : 2010-02-17

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Re: A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM };>

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