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Driving Through London.

YAFOOEY!  :: 15 :: POETRY

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Driving Through London.

Post by P on Tue Sep 30, 2014 2:06 pm

Love it or hate it driving in one form or another is a regular feature of modern life. For a country boy like me driving in London is ..........  different!

Driving Through London.

I've been queuing on the M4 from Theale.
It's taken me hours !
But now we're nearly there.

Past Heath Row
Looking at the underside of planes since Windsor.
Speed limits I can't reach.
I'm sick of looking at the back of the same car in front.
I could do with a change of scene!
Southall,
Not good!
(but it's a lot cheaper parking here!)
Chaos in front
Three lanes to two.
They all leave it 'till the last minute
Then push in

Rudely.

Inconsiderately.

Threateningly.

I don't mind so much if it's a mistake,
We all get in the wrong lane occaisionally
(especially me!),
but they do it deliberately.

Push!
Push!
Push!

Rush!
Rush!
Rush!
( v e r y   s l o w l y )

Now we're at Chiswick
"The Great West Way"
Thats better,
Everything is going faster!
Traffics thinning out and we're back to three lanes.

Oh! oh!

Dilema!

Which lane?
Inside lane?
No! people going on and off,
No rules, no right of way here.
No chance.
No mercey.
No quarter given.
Outside lane?
No! suits me but there's cameras everywhere you look.
Smile please!
Three points and sixty quid!
Thank you very much,

Money for old rope!
How do they get away with it?
All speeding!
Guess I'll just stick with the middle lane,
Can I get between that lorry and bus?
Phew! Just.
Didn't realise my car was that narrow.

Hammersmith Flyover.
30 here now. Oh! stopped again.
Sprinting from stop to stop
A foot at a time.
Don't I turn right here?
Earls Court?
Satnav says straight on.

No!
(perhaps satnav should drive)
Don't argue!
Doh! Look! Now I'm in the wrong lane!
(again)
Indicate and go!
Fingers in ears!
Hold your breath and

******

Phew!
! Seems everyone missed me !
You wouldn't get away with that at home!

No! No! No! No!
Now I have to turn right.
No choice!
No option!
No escape!
No chance!
Four lanes in, two lanes out!
Four lanes good, two lanes bad!
(see what I did there?)
And a big yellow box between with no lanes marked.
It's a bit like a boxing ring, for cars.

How do people live like this?
(or how long do they live like this?)
Lights go green and we're off,
F1 has nothing on this!
I need Google Street View,
360° vision.

I never understood knitting, and I don't understand this either!
I've lost all memory of how I got across that box!

Now it's getting interesting.
Two lanes with things parked on both sides.

Intermittantly.

Randomly.

Everything going in different directions,
!!! Sensory overload !!!
Not to mention the bus stops!

Didn't I say DON'T mention the bus stops!
Sorry I shouted!
It's like a slalum, but with two tonne objects doing 30.

Hey! I think I'm getting the hang.
I'm actually starting to enjoy this
In a masochistic sort of way.

Satnav says "turn left".
No! I don't think so.
She knows nothing.

Oops!

Ah the embankment,
A change of scene at last.
Is this one lane or two? - YES.

Oops! Those two over there
Got it wrong (badly),
Glass all over the road.
At least no one gets hurt at this speed.
But think of the paperwork!
I think I'd rather not.

Now the road is blue?
Whats that supposed to mean?
Thats a funny place for a campsite.
All those tents crammed in!
Look!
Over there,
Under the railway bridge.
Those campers look like they could do with a good wash,
Still, this is London.

Don't mention the bus lanes!
I said DON'T .....never mind!
Sorry, I'm shouting again.

Now I need to turn right over Vauxhall bridge,
Avoid the conjestion charge!
If I can find the right lane.
OK, any lane then!
If I go straight on I'll be in the congestion zone, congesting!
Lights are red stop and wait.

And wait.

And wait.

And wait.

.

:-|

.

:-[

.

:-(

.

:-C

.

And their off!
Wheels spinning!
Tyres screeching!
Pedestrians scattering in all directions,
Defiantly.
Another yellow box with no lane markings.

Hey! What do you know!
Got the right lane for a change!
Two lanes to one!
Cracked it!
Spoke to soon!
Vauxhall one way system,
Where do I go now?
Under the bridge?
Right turn, but where?

NOT YET!

Now I can see the Oval in the distance.
Soon be there.
Creeper covered walls, very green.
Look at those spans, bright white in the sun.
It's a wonder anything stays white for long around here!

Camberwell now, Peckham Rye.
Turn right, nearly there.
Oh! these speed humps, its worse than the pot holes back home.

Up

Down

Up

Down

Up

Down

I'm starting to feel sea sick!

Single file? You must be joking!

I'll never get the car through there!

On the other hand ......
"Are we there yet?"
Almost Almost.
Now all I have to do is find somewhere to park and

 

R

   E

      L

        A

           X

 

Ahhhhh!

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P
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Re: Driving Through London.

Post by lorry p on Tue Sep 30, 2014 7:30 pm

Sounds like driving in Melboune and it's drivers.  It's a mad house and I hate going there to the big smoke.. No wonder I love the country and the quieter roads.
Well written P... you have me feeling very stressed just reading it, let alone travelling it.

Travelling round the coastal route
A country drive to the Bay
Tree ferns to the left
Towering Gums to the right
Watch out for that kangaroo
Keep an eye out for koalas
Koodaburra's laughing at you
Ha ha ha ha ha ha hahhhh
Parrots, Rosellas, Wrens everywhere
A very beautiful sight
Glad I am a country girl
This beautiful land for me

It's a hard life... but someone's gotta do it!!! australia flag flower

And... I am R E L A X E D again. lol (-:
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Re: Driving Through London.

Post by P on Wed Oct 01, 2014 3:34 am

Very good, some competition at last!

It brings up a very different mental immage and I dont think that we can compete with your wild lifeover here.

It made me laugh and brought to mind a series of adverts we have on TV at the moment. Its a couple of koalas up a gum tree ("up a gum tree" is an expression which is used over here).



Here is a poem about the wildlife I saw on my trip:


There, did you enjoy it, it was rather short.
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Re: Driving Through London.

Post by P on Wed Oct 01, 2014 4:03 am

I should just add, from what I saw on Google Earth, your roads are very much W I D E R than ours. Leaving the M1 in Chiswick there are three lanes crammed into a road only wide enough for two! Avoiding the mirrors on the other cars is a nightmare as they almost touch, particularly if youre the jam in the sandwich, and requires your full attention. I take my hat off to those lorry and coach drivers who cope with it all so skillfully. Its also common to have three lanes of traffic entering traffic lights, and only two leaving! Interesting when the lights go green, my approach (typically!) is to beat everyone else off the line. I can get away with it in my Mazda, but wouldnt attempt it in the GT40 as it tends to perform the doughnuts so graphically demonstrated by the F1 drivers when showing off, and consequently banned under competition rules. Combine all this with a right turn through a yellow box junction (no lane markings) and you begin to get the impression of what its like.


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Re: Driving Through London.

Post by Breezey Breezey on Wed Oct 01, 2014 8:43 am

All this driving stuff leaves me feeling confused. All I know is I can drive on 
one way streets quite well... when allowed to go one way.. against all other traffic. lol 
I don't like round a bouts or many lanes and avoid that kind of driving as much as possible.
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Re: Driving Through London.

Post by P on Wed Oct 01, 2014 8:52 am

Thats one sure fire way of getting everyone to wave at you lol. Friendly lot. I got confused when I heard the term rotary. Thats what the Vauxhall one way system is on a grand scale, five or six lanes, Im not quite sure as Im always trying to avoid being hit, and its always me in the wrong lane! (Just like life!!!!!).


happy
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Re: Driving Through London.

Post by Breezey Breezey on Wed Oct 01, 2014 9:14 am

Oh yes! Many people wave... like this...
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laughing ass off

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Re: Driving Through London.

Post by P on Wed Oct 01, 2014 9:47 am

lol!

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